||[Nov. 15th, 2005|09:43 am]
geeze, i just keep going around and around. i think its just one of those days. i feel very sceptical. very thankful and full of thoughts today. i am typing this book of directories and its pretty awesome. i mean when i first started it, it was hell. but ive learned to get past that. i think i just have to have will power to say im going to stick it thru.
this weekend rocked. i went on the amtrak for the very first time and went to see my sister at stanford. it was the best time i've ever had with her. we both got really shitfaced. fun hu! lol, well i'd never seen her drunk and she was hella funny. we were dancing and having a ball. then we took off and went to this other party. and i was in the best mood ever. running around like a mad women. then she started to puke. so i held her hair and we went back to her dorms and passed out. the rest of the weekend we ate and she took me on some historic walk that i almost died on. it was all well worth it.
this weekend made me think a lot. i look up to my sister. but shes everything my parents want. and she made me realize that. and thats why they pay for her college because she has achievable goals. and it made me smile knowing i am my own person. aside from the rest of my family. i can handle two jobs, partying on the weekends and still have time for myself, my friends and family. i like to drink to have a good time and i like to do whatever the fuck i want. i dont know what i want to become, but thats ok. i mean i have my whole life. and im just taking it one step at a time.
what irritated me was when i told me sister i wanted to take french. and she was like thats not gonna help you get a career, its just going to go on your entertainment list. i was like what the fuck. you can take german and its ok, but i cant take french. i dont know, but i was mature about it and just let it go. i dont take things to heart anymore.
ahh! i can feel myself changing, and part of me wants to hold back, but another part of me is like this is just life. its scary and i feel like this raging person inside. but it will pass...hopefully.